Freedom in movement and loving the hills!

"In great works, by man or nature, a polar balance of physical and metaphysical principles exist, both fulfilling a function and expressing a meaning." Alonzo King, Choreographer of LINES Ballet.

Yesterday, I was treated to an amazing experience that reminded me of the power of the human body and mind while it is supported, suspended and captured in the environment which it is within. I was taken to see a modern dance ballet by Noreen, an incredible woman and friend. The dancers captured in artistic form and in physical strength what it was to shift, change, grow and be still in what was to be wind, ocean, and earth. I was taken into their movements.

It made me think of myself as a triathlete and particularly how I have been grappling with an assortment of health challenges, so many related to the environment (allergies). Alonzo says that "we are stuck, obstructed, when there is no flow and the mind/body isn't moving creatively." Before coming to California it really was like I was stuck, my body unmalleable, unable to move freely. I tried to force it into submission, kept wondering what was wrong, why it was like I was hitting my head against a wall... hard.

Since Thursday I have transformed back into myself. I am staying with an incredibly gracious woman who's home eludes peace and calm. It is surrounded by Redwoods, on top of a hill and smells of eucalyptus. I am in heaven. The air is cool here by Austin standards but clear. My body has responded both to this environment and to what Dr. Noah Moos has given me to fight the blockages in my body - essentially vitamins and minerals that I have not been absorbing through my own diet/nutrition. Each day I feel better and tackle the surrounding hills with exactly who I know my body to be - powerful, free and determined. I meet the challenges not with a fight against my body telling it to do what it does not want, but with a joy of being part of the experience. I have once again the energy and ability to relish in the experience of breathing hard and pushing harder up the hill, through the wind and rain. It is a gratefulness that I have to be out there in the trees, on the hills, and once again in my body and doing what I love.

The dancers had peace and control in both the movements and in standing still. They were completely absorbed. So this is what I will continue to strive for - to find a calm, control and freedom in my movements no matter how challenging. The environment will support me. Up next Tri-California Wildflower Long Course! SOOOOO EXCITED!

Fresh Air

Over the course of the last few weeks I have become heavy with frustration. I was angry with my body not being able to perform with how I know it can. I was frustrated that I continue to struggle to find air and manage digestion. I was frustrated that I couldn’t “figure it out”. Managing these frustrations made me also really face the reality of my profession which is so singularly focused on training, sleeping and eating. When the joy of the training is off it is all too easy to be derailed, negative and surrounded by the sense of loss and wonderment of why you are doing all this. It is a slippery slope…

At the track two days ago I was attempting to do mile repeats on a tough but manageable pace. I had done it before and this was just another hard training session. Mile 1 - legs felt ok, mentally was focused and was on pace. Mile 2 – started ok but then the tight feeling where my body works harder and harder to get air set in. Mentally I thought, not already it is only mile 2, please no, stay calm, breathe deeply, relax. I finished but by the end my chest had completely tightened and I knew what was coming. Mile 3 – lasted not more than 200 meters until I was trying so hard to get air down I stopped. I broke in frustration with my body.

Austin is an incredible city. It is vibrant, rich in trees and green space, warm and full of incredible people. It is also notoriously bad for high pollen counts. This coupled with forest fires in west Texas, high winds, high humidity and no break of rain to bring the airborne allergens down a bit is a recipe for disaster for asthmatic and non-asthmatic alike. For me, it just has meant that I can’t breathe.

And so I am off to find fresh air. I want to be able to breathe deeply and have every cell of my body enriched with oxygen. I am off to California where the land is lush with evergreens and the air is clear. As I write it seems dramatic to me and very privileged. It is. Zane reminds me that this is what it is to be professional. Alan reminds me to trust myself and make decisions that will enable me to be the best athlete I can be and have no regrets. I just want to remind myself what it is like to be free in breath and in spirit.

Galveston 70.3

Almost a week later and I am finally sitting down to write what happened at the Memorial Hermann Ironman 70.3 in Galveston last weekend. If I wrote it before now it would have been a little bit or perhaps much more “whiny” and woe is me oriented. Perhaps this is ok because it is in truth that I seek to write about my experiences as a triathlete. I still am sorting through emotions and the challenges of not having a race go the way I hoped but have things in perspective again and this is a very good thing.

I had the best pre-race preparations. I had incredible bike support from the guys at Bicycle Sport Shop and the Specialized truck. I had a quiet hotel room away from the anxiousness and hype of race prep. I ate well, hydrated and was able to totally relax. The morning of the race I knew I was ready.

The swim was brilliant. It was pretty windy so there was definitely a challenge in getting through the chop. All the better for me as the harder, the better. I came out of the water in second behind Mary-Beth Ellis who had a great swim as well. I got through transition without a hitch and was off on my bike.

This is where I had fun. The course is very flat, very fast but is deceiving in that there is a terrific wind that blows off the ocean the whole time. While riding in one direction I actually was doing a full lean into the wind to keep my bike upright. I kept the intensity up and steady. My bike was amazing and with the full aero gear I felt like I was flying. I held the lead for about 50km when I was passed by some outstanding cyclists. I actually didn’t even see Theurig pass me as I think she was going so strong. I took in my nutrition, drank and was super happy to get off the bike after 90km. I felt good and I was in fourth.

Immediately getting onto the run I started having digestive issues. This was not new for me as I have been struggling the past few weeks with keeping any sort of nutrition down. I have been playing with different gels, different levels of electrolytes, and varying combinations of solid food vs liquids. I knew going into the race that it was not sorted completely but I didn’t think that it would really get me. Heat has got me in the past in a big way but this was different and usually I am ok. But it did. Essentially what I know now is that I started getting and have been getting gastro-esophageal reflux. The sequence of problems was burping, reflux, irritation and inflammation of the esophagus causing difficulty in breathing. This triggered my asthma causing complete inability to breath and me walking. A 1:45 half marathon time is hardly what I have been working for.

I think what frustrates me the most is that it is another “thing” to get over, figure out and deal with. Some ask whether it is a stress response and thus a mental issue. I would say that it is potentially a bodily stress response that has been building – starting a long time ago with imbalance in hormones, developing exercise induced asthma, inability to fight allergens, becoming lactose intolerant and now not being able to keep nutrition down. So then the question still is whether I can change my mental game to stay calm and avoid all these “issues”?

My answer to this is that although I do believe I can strengthen my mental preparation – this was not a mental issue. This is what I am proud of in the race – I finished and not once did I give up trying to get going again after “problem-solving” throughout the race. My thinking was sort of like this - just drink more, try taking in more nutrition, sponges, ice, slow down and come around, form, get inhaler, Gatorade, and finally – just walk, no shame in walking. I was determined. I had two medical people follow me for 10km. I had an age-grouper tell me that I was a pro and to act like one. I had support telling me that I was doing great knowing that it was a complete lie. I had to fight my personal demons to keep one foot in front of another. It is this fight in me that pushes me in training, in racing and will get me to another finish line with a smile on my face. What I do know though is that I am just so thankful once again that I am not alone to do it. To my sponsors and my personal support, thank-you for sticking by me. Let’s climb another mountain.

Balance

How many times have I heard myself say to someone or someone say to me – how do you find balance? Up until 1 year ago I tried to balance work, being a pro-triathlete, relationships and life. Once I realized that I was on the brink of exhaustion I made being a pro-triathlete my work and my priority. The question remains though – have I achieved better balance? To answer this question I have looked to the dictionary and talked to several people. This is what I learnt in my quest to understand what it means to me.

Definition #1: An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady

To me this definition gets at the physical dimension of balance that triathletes struggle to achieve in their quest to strengthen three demanding sports. I, like many others, have not managed to stay “upright” or “steady” in training or races due to injury, poor mechanics, or nutrition. Lack of balance can be too much emphasis on motor development at the detriment of skill development. It can be too much time spent on one sport, leaving another to become the weak link. It can also be missing the recovery needed to keep going at such intensity, volume whilst meeting life demands. For me - there really is only one solution. Get a coach. Zane has taught me so very very much about the need to balance skill and motor development with recovery. He constantly is finessing my training schedule to meet me where I am at and where my body is at. Some say planning is the biggest job and execution is the easy part… to keep me swimming, biking and running healthily, I believe it.

Definition #2: A stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability

I had the incredible opportunity to listen and speak to Peter Reid at the Specialized Training Camp I attended two weeks ago (For interview go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir-qWuItgck). One thing that really struck me is how strongly he emphasized knowing why you are doing something. Triathlon is no easy undertaking. For me there are times when everything hurts, I am tired and that it takes everything in me to step out the door to go for that second run. These are the times that knowing why is critical. There are a million different reasons why each of us undertakes the mission to complete a triathlon. It is only your reason that matters though and that will bring joy to the training day and to the race. Know it and breathe it – it will bring stability just when you really really need it.

Definition #3: Something that is left over; a remainder.

I like this definition as it applies to life because it is often that we are cramming in lots of life into the “remainder” time we have after training, working, school, etc. Two friends of mine were talking about what balance means over dinner and the suggestion was that balance is meeting the must dos and being able to pursue the want to’s beyond that. Important to this notion is accepting that you likely can’t do or achieve all your want to’s. Skot Campbell, BG bike fitter at Bicycle Sport Shop said to me that balance is something that we all aspire to but rarely attain because we are, after all, asymmetrical. I loved this because it reminds me that it is the pursuit of life that brings balance and that it is human to be a little lop-sided.

Perhaps as we struggle to strike the right balance of work and play, family and friends we need to fundamentally remember that life is in balance when it is full of all those things that are important to us, that we are meeting those things that we have set as priorities and are enjoying once and awhile the nice to dos.