Knowing when to call it quits

I don't know the right answer to this question necessarily but I did just that yesterday in my race. The last few days before the race were rough for me. I got a cold. I tried to believe that it was just in my sinuses, that I didn't really need to breath through my nose at all, that my head, despite feeling heavy, was going to be ok. I drank tea endlessly and tried to do all the right things to get better. The funny thing about rest though is that as soon as you do it, your body can either get stronger or it falls apart. Mine fell apart.

When I woke up yesterday morning, my first thought was that I wanted to go back to bed. This is not ideal when I should have been itching to get out there! I ignored my malaise and continued with my pre-race rituals. Got to the race site and was ok but still way too blah for a National Championship Race. The gun went off and I had a good start. I was actually in the lead for the first lap of the swim but then it went downhill - my body started to shut down. I was only 10 minutes into the race. I dropped several places in the second lap and despite making a huge effort to bring myself up, I had nothing. Running to transition was brutal and I watched the lead pack get away. Normally in this situation I will fight to catch up and I did but the fight was a bit of a pathetic attempt as I could hardly breath. My power on my SRM was low and I felt like I was going to die... not great. I tried to get myself going but no amount of postive talking was going to get my body to recoup this one. The chase pack caught me and I told them to not count on me - I was using half a lung. This is when I knew that my race was over. I was not going to have the race I knew I could do. I also knew that if I continued I would be putting myself further into the hole I started in. So I called it quits.

Upon reflection now, it is really hard to know what this is like until you do it. I actually don't know the last time I ever quit anything. Sure I have lost confidence or blown up and didn't put my normal 200% into something - but quit? I don't think I ever have actually done that - not in synchro, school, races, workouts... Last year I raced until I passed out - twice! To me that was better than quitting.

So here I am the morning after the race, sitting here with a box of tissues beside me and a cup of ginger lemon tea wondering how long it takes to get over this little bump. I look forward to feeling like me again and giving it my all. I am trying to be easy on myself and let it just be what it is. Although I am not a huge believer of horoscopes - they can sometimes be fun and fitting. Mine today:

"An idea that meant nothing to you yesterday will mean everything to you today and you won’t be happy until you have investigated it further. It’s not true that Capricorn is interested only in practicalities. You’re philosophical too."

So I may investigate this a little further, will learn from it and then get down to my practical self again and move on to the next race - San Francisco Triathlon at Alcatraz! Until then, I can't wait to get back to Austin, the warmth, my friends and what I seemingly call home now.